written by Harriet Clark

Child development researchers over the years have linked being playful with being synonymous with health. This is because when a child or an adult is able to be in a playful mindset, they are curious, spontaneous, and receptive to new ideas.

A key element of play is that it breaks down barriers between people. There is more likely to be humour and fun when children and adults are being playful. We are more likely to listen to others and have empathy for others when we are being playful. When a child is able to be playful, they are not stuck emotionally or in the grip of depression.

“The imagination is an essential tool of the mind, a fundamental way of thinking, an indispensable means of becoming and remaining human.”
— Ursula K. Le Guin, Author

Playing really is a serious enterprise because throughout the life span it is an activity that promotes learning, no matter what age you are. You are never too old to play! As Picasso said:

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

Why is play so integral to a child’s healthy development?

Children are natural makers and inventors. When a child initiates play, they are discovering the world on their own terms. They are wired to explore their surroundings and are hungry to learn and grapple with life’s problems at their own pace.

Playing is universal across cultures, and happens across non-human mammalian species, including birds and reptiles. When a child or adult is immersed in their imagination, they are not only having fun — they are learning how things work and making sense of their experiences. Crucially, the social and emotional parts of the brain are developing. Play allows a child the valuable space to begin to understand how people relate to each other. Children act out human stories and scenarios from joy to conflict. It’s a safe way to make sense of the complexity of human emotions. As the American psychoanalyst Erik H. Erikson wrote:

“The playing child advances forward to new stages of mastery.”

The science of play

Play researchers, neuroscientists, and psychologists have studied how the structure and function of the nervous system and brain are being built when children are in a state of play. Think of the brain like the architecture of a house. At birth, the foundations of the brain are laid, but the higher part of the brain — the part that allows us to think, reason, and problem-solve — is not yet formed.

How is the higher part of the brain (the cortex) developed?

The brain’s higher functioning comes together thanks to the infant being cared for physically and emotionally by its parents or caregivers. Early childhood is a time of exponential growth in terms of the brain regions making connections. The more a child can be in a playful state alone and with their caregivers delighting in their discoveries, the more this allows the child’s brain to form neural pathways, making the brain more connected and helping to build the upper brain (the cortex).

Parents are often time-poor, and it can be hard to prioritise time to play when they are very busy with work commitments.

What you show your child non-verbally when you play

That you see them and value their ideas
When you laugh and share fun, you are building trust and safety with your child, strengthening your bond
You are helping them with their language skills and the skill of turn-taking in conversation
You are helping them build confidence in understanding their world

Barriers to play

The pandemic and social loneliness

The pandemic was a time when children were forced to isolate themselves. They learnt resilience, but they also learnt to dampen their instincts to connect with others. Children spent many hours glued to screens, arguably developing unhealthy addictions to technology in place of real-time connection. It would appear that culturally we have not fully restored ourselves to a point where people are engaging in enough group activities that benefit us socially and emotionally.

A culture of standardised testing

We are living in a time and culture that prioritises the standardised testing of children and devalues time for play. Teachers are under pressure to follow government guidelines and have to squeeze out free play and self-expression to focus on a testing culture. Funding has also been greatly cut back for arts programmes in schools.

Urbanisation and the environment

As we become more urbanised, many children don’t feel safe enough to play outside on their street. Risky play is not encouraged as much these days. Compare our largely indoor educational culture in the UK to Finland or Scandinavia, where children play in sub-zero temperatures. They build strong immune systems and show fewer aggressive tendencies when they are able to play outside for much longer, especially in forests.

Environments that are unsafe

If a child is in an extremely unsafe environment — for example, a war-torn country, or witnessing violence in their own homes or communities — their chances to play are significantly reduced. Instead, their nervous systems are on high alert, activating the sympathetic nervous system, meaning they are in survival mode.

“The drive to play freely is a basic, biological drive. Lack of free play may not kill the physical body, as would lack of air, food, or water, but it kills the spirit and stunts mental growth.”
— Peter Gray, American Psychologist

All of the above, and many other factors not mentioned, lead to a perfect storm contributing to the deterioration of young people’s mental health in the form of anxiety or depression.

What are the benefits of protecting time to play together alongside your child?

There are so many benefits to protecting time to be with your child, allowing them to play and even playing alongside them.

It provides opportunities for children to develop emotional intelligence. Play develops self-determination and self-esteem.
It fosters social competence, respect, and understanding of the rules of relating to others.
It stimulates the senses, which helps calm the nervous system and reduces stress.
It provides valuable space for inventiveness, creativity, and imagination.
It enhances cognitive understanding.
Play involves movement, so it helps develop physical fitness and coordination.
It creates opportunities for joy and laughter.
Co-regulation through play: This is when a child is helped to understand their emotions. It’s when an adult does not judge their emotions but helps their child recognise what they are feeling and when. This reinforces secure attachment and a sense of safety.
Social play stimulates oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.
In play, a child develops listening skills, turn-taking, and empathy.

4 simple ways to be playful with your child in under 10 minutes

Simple games that involve eye contact, such as hide and seek or a treasure hunt outside.
Playing inside a cardboard box — this can bring hours of joy as a child turns it into a world of their own making.
With young children, shared games such as keeping a balloon from touching the floor or any object.
Playing with natural objects such as feathers, stones, sand, or leaves, and seeing how assembling them can create a picture.

To summarise: Why is it important to build a strong connection with your child through play?

Even if you only have 10 minutes, when you are in a playful state you are connecting your heart space to your child’s heart space.

So much of parenting involves structure and rules. Parents often end up being their child’s timekeeper and schedule organiser, continuously reminding and criticising. Try to return to simple, playful games. The parent–child relationship will develop much more quickly and effectively through play than through the lens of criticism.

In summary, when a child feels safe, valued, and heard, they experience a deep sense of connection with their parents or caregivers. This gives them the confidence to go out into the world and be curious and playful with others, giving them the best chance of growing up mentally strong and emotionally robust.